The coveted title of Stay at home MOM!!

It is finally my greatest privilege to say i am a stay at home mom. After months of Tony pounding the pavement looking for a job that he felt satisfied what he was looking for in a career paving job he was hired on with Borat Longyear as a driller helper. This called for lots of huge changes for our small three person, two dog family. Here is the brief story of California to Nevada.





On April 17th Tony packed up and went to Elko, Nevada for a week of training while Titan and Mommy stayed in California. After about the fourth day of training I got a phone call from my husband telling me to pack up and quit my job because as apposed to what we had planned he wanted me and the baby to join him asap. So we packed up and put our things in storage and took off to Elko. A 6 hour car ride with a small child is not my idea of fun but we made it to Elko safe and sound. We stayed in a hotel in Elko while I looked for a place to live and Tony went to work. After days of being shot down due to us having dogs, as well as the housing shortage I began to worry about where we would live. We headed back to California on Tony's days off so we did not have to pay to stay in a hotel. We came back to Elko after a few days off and then were hit with the news that we were going to Winnemucca because Tony was being transferred to a different rig and now working a totally different shift.

We drove the four hours to Winnemucca and then Tony finds out we are actually going to be in lovelock which is about an hour away. So we get back in the car and head to Lovelock. I was in charge of finding a hotel for us to stay at for a good deal. We ended up at the Sturgeon's Casino and Inn. We stayed there for two weeks and after much debate and continues denial for homes I really began to freak out. I spoke with family members we decided that Reno was going to be the best option for finding a place to call home. I found an apartment and we moved in on the few days off Tony had.

Here we are in Reno, Titan, I and the dogs stay here while Tony goes back and forth to Winnemucca and where ever else he has to travel too. Being apart so much is sad and hard we visit Tony a few times out of each hitch. This first one was 8 days long and we made the two hour drive to Winnemucca twice to have breakfast with Tony. He comes home hopefully tomorrow if they reach their drill mark tonight. He has four days off then he is off to Tonopah for fifteen days. Making the drive to visit daddy with be a four hour drive this time, not my favorite but so much better than 6 hours.

We are going to be staying in Reno for at least a year or so unless Tony gets transferred back to Elko. These big changes have served but some seriously harsh growing pains for me and even more so for Tony. He is on his own and taking care of himself something he has never done. However, he is providing a beautiful home from his family and the chance of a lifetime for a wife who is forever grateful for my hubby giving me the biggest gift. Letting me stay home with Titan and spending this wonderful time with him. I do miss my husband and wish we was home at night so we could have dinner as a family and spend the night in the same bed, until things are different we will make the best of all the time we have together and hope one day we will spend more time together and less time apart.

Bitter Party of One!

Ok so, I have been working at my new job for about four months now. Ubber stress full but what else is new right, they would not call it work if it was fun, but, why not? For years now I have had this battle, work does not equal fun, but stressful work does equal a stressed out Paulene. So I am very happy with my personal life for once, and I like my job, well to be honest I like the paycheck. It is hard to turn down $2,000 a month net! Especially in this economy, so yes a part of me is very grateful to have a great job. However I do hate the 8:30 to 6:00 in a box all day without daylight. Why is it that in order to get a great paycheck you have to be stuck inside all day, (this mostly applies to summer and spring) and sit at a desk where you butt inevitably gets bigger, and play prim and proper all the time.
I think my major issue was like some I never really figured out what I wanted to do for a living. I really only ever wanted to be a stay at home mom. I know hello 1950’s women’s lib called, they want their right to work back from me, lol. But I really swear that is all I wanted to do when I grew up. I unfortunately had to start working right after high school then ended up working in admin and after five years and worked up to a pretty good paycheck.

My future husband is only 19 going on 20 in June so his taking over the head of household and being ready for babies is a few years off. So what is the question? What do I do in the mean time? Do I keep working the job I really don’t like? Do I start the search for a new job yet again?

I left the admin world last year for greener pastures with my massage work, unfortunately again that did not pay very much, in fact nowhere near what I make now. And due to the break from admin I have a bit of debit that I was not able to handle and is still looking at me around the corner going I told you sooo! Part of me knows deep down I am stuck where I am need to make the best of it and deal with the choices I have made. Then there is the voice that goes no, wait! We can figure out some way to work from home we would be a lot nicer to your brain and stress levels so you can bide the time until Tony is ready to make you the stay at home mom that you want to be.

Friends say I am nuts about wanting to be a stay at home mom and that I will get bored. I tell them that despite what they think unlike little girls when they play pretend nurse, doctor and teacher, I was at home playing mom! It is just in my nature to be that person, I was born to be a wife and mother nothing more and definitely nothing less. I do not consider myself conservative by any means, so those that think I feel a woman’s place is in the home would be wrong. Women’s Liberation was not just about a woman’s right to work it was more about a woman’s right to chose her life. Having had a stay at home mom that was home even after she became a single mom, made me value the joys of being involved in their lives seeing them grow up every day. I blog with many stay at home moms and find myself so jealous of a life I want. The closest thing I can do currently would to be open my own home daycare. Because in order to work at a facility daycare where the pay is more consistent than owning your own business, you need a degree. Most facilities would not consider my years of daycare experience with my mom’s daycare business enough. So that leaves me to starting my own daycare. This is risky and does fluchuate year after year considering kids grow up and go to school. Not to mention that start up costs of opening your own business.

So I think I am simply trying to ignore the inevitable that says wake up if you want Plan A, stay at home mom with no job, you must sit tight and save and follow Tony through school with support while he considers a career as a firefighter or whatever career would allow financial freedom to have one parent working. Plan B, open my own daycare, still sit and save, buy a house and then make my move in about two years to get all my ducks in a row. Or Plan C, begin looking for a job that is more fulfilling that pays what mine does, and oh yeah by the way sit tight and save.

Having been an over thinker and not too patient one can drive themselves nuts trying to figure it all out in advance, which you never do because nothing ever goes according to plan. So when I can reconcile myself to spend less then I make and save what I don’t spend, I will find myself in a position to truly enjoy what I make and what I do. And even better to possible get to a point where I can figure where I am really meant to be. So ends my bitter rant! lol

Growing Family. . .

First let me say no, we are not pregnant . . . just in case the title is a little miss leading. When I say growing family I mean Tony and myself growing, as adults and as a couple. We have been together for 7 months going on 8. It seems so much longer than that, yet when I think of last August it seems like not that long ago. Strange how you can feel like there has been years between and amount of time and yet at the same time like it has not been that long.

We have been in our apartment for three months and are finally getting to a point of working out our budget and trying make our money last, working together on dinners and house hold choirs. I work more hours away from the house then Tony does but being a woman feel that some, if not most of the house choirs are my area of domestic rule. The things I control and get to keep up on. Not because society tells me I do but almost a natural instinct in myself that I never thought I would feel. I like being domesticated, cleaning house making dinner I find myself wishing I could at the very least work from home so I can manage it all my house, a job and me time.

I feel overwhelmed at times, I work 8:30 to 6:00 Mon through Thurs and then go to the gym for an hour or, (have not been to the gym in a week BTW.) By the time I get home I need to make dinner and shower and before I know it, it is 10pm. My day is gone and I am exhausted. Feeling like I had a full day I feel justifiably exhausted, but still exhausted. Friday is my day of slowing down I work from 8:30 to 1:30 which I love. I go home see Tony for about an hour then he drops me off at his moms house and she I spend our Friday afternoon watching TV and talking and drinking wine into the evening. Granted we had a little more wine then we should have last Friday but still having fun girl time. We are the only two girls, since Tony only has one younger brother and even the dogs are boys. Weekends are spent sleeping in, and with Tony and me never really leaving each other’s side for that long. We make time to play with the dogs seeing that they are 2 and 1 and half so they require a lot of attention still. For example this last weekend we let the boys have brain teaser Sunday morning, they have Kong balls that Tony’s mom bought them they love to play fetch and can pester you right out of your mind wanting to play. While playing with then the ball made it into one of the laundry hampers and Bubba was just beside himself trying to figure out how to get it out of the basket after about two hours of crying and barking at the basket Blaze helped him figure that he had to tip over the basket to get the ball out since it was too tall for him to climb into. After that we got creative, Bubba is a very active Lab and needs plenty of exercise, and since we already not a notice about playing vetch with the boys outside of our apartment we decided they needed exercise inside. We have a pretty long hallway so we put up two hurtles made of laundry baskets for them to jump over and they played fetch that way. It was so very funny to see them jump. After that we both filed our taxes for the first time ourselves, with Dad's help of course, but for the most part we did it. Tony has never filed before and I used to just give my W-2 to my aunt and have her fill out the forms. So we both felt a sense of accomplishment after completing the task. Dad made dinner for us afterwards and we ate together like a family, which we miss after having moved out on our own.

We have been trying to plan the wedding a little here and there. We have considered the 10th of July for 2010. We were going to invite only the immediate family which is pretty big to begin with. After talking with his mother she thinks we could manage to pull off the entire family which is at a rough estimate 77, and goodness knows those lists can grow and shirk over time. We decided who will cater our wedding . . . and though some might think it absolutely low class, we are going with Subway. It is kind of an inside joke, anyone who knows Tony, knows he is very picky about his diet. He rarely eats bread and does not eat pasta, his one exception with bread is for subway where they take out part of the bread and he over loads the sandwich with double meat and two to three times the veggies as normally allowed. It resembles a wrap but much larger. So the joke was how we feed a lot of people inexpensively in the middle of the summer and with food that Tony will eat. My friend Kristin said Subway!!! Thinking it was a joke I dismissed the idea at first but then it began to grow on me. July in Roseville/Granite Bay is HOT as some of you may know. With the wedding taking place outdoors and in the evening people might not want to eat in the first place, so small sandwiches and cold salads were the perfect idea. I wanted a backyard wedding feel without being exactly that. We are very casual people and Tony's biggest request was to get married by the water whether it be the beach or the lake where we feel in love at (we went there on our third date, after we went to the movies and we had those talks where you just connect with someone).The lake was more within our price range so that is where we have chosen to get married. We took this picture there about a month into dating.
Turns out that our dating anniversary is only a day off of his grandparents and his parents were married at the same lake we are going to get married at and in the same month of July.

We have talked about haivng kids as well recenlty and what kind of plans we have for that. Originally we said like five years now it may be sooner then that, but again no I am not pregnant right now nor are we trying right now. Having been the child from to people who were married when I was born just not to each other I am very strong on wanting to be married before we have a baby.

I swear I never can stay on point when I blog I guess that is kind of the point though. I started saying how we were growing and it is the little things we are doing, filing our taxes, planning our wedding, planning for a family that make me feel like we are growing as a family. Through all of that blabber my biggest point is that I am happy, so happy with my life and my partener and best friend. We are both very excited about getting married when you find that person you can be yourself with and just know that you have unconditional support and endless effort from someone you love and adore nothing in life seems that hard anymore. I hope everyone can enjoy this feeling in life. Until next time . . .

Zodiac

Cancer Man and Virgo Woman
Wow! What a match. In addition to being a great potential relationship, Virgo woman and Cancer man will probably have the kind of friendship that will last for years and years. You share a common understanding that will transcend time and space. What better foundation could there be?
A Cancer man and a Virgo woman make a really good couple. Both of them can come real close to each other and will shower each other with lots of affection. The compatibility between these zodiac signs can lead to a long-lasting bond. He will make her feel loved and bring out all the passion that she hides behind her shell. With him, she will feel secure and protected. Neither of them will have any reasons to be suspicious or get jealous as both are very sincere, loyal and extremely trustworthy. They will just need to control their critical nature a bit.
A quiet-living couple who will snuggle up real close and whisper secret thoughts to each other. For the Virgo lady, preferably in her ear, the only place seemly enough for such thoughts to go
This is a good match that can definitely lead to real, lasting love. With a Cancer man, both you and he will feel more passionate and confident than you do with most other signs. His mushy, cuddly love style makes you feel nice and secure. You won’t have to worry about this man straying- when he falls in love, he stays in love! You will both have to watch your mouths a bit- you both have a tendency to be over-critical. If you can keep your picky comments to yourselves, though, this relationship has a real chance to turn into the "real thing." It’s a very good love match.

Christmas Sprirt

The season for Romance. The season for Hope. The season that reminds us to Love. Because no matter what is under the tree, Love is the lesson and greatest gift you can give anyone even yourself. This is my season for Love and my gift to give.

Doubt

The definition of doubt: the state of being unsure of something. Ok, So now that we all understand what that evil little word means I can address it on a large scale. Here is the background on the growing Yarrow family.
July 31st 2008, I was working as a graduate massage therapist and a clinic coordinator for the massage school I had attended and graduated from. It was a Thursday night and I had only one therapist working that night(Alex) she had a 7:30pm appointment that was for a hour massage. Alex and I had been chit chatting off and on all night like most girls do, when in came her 7:30. The client was Bret and he walked in with his buddy (Tony)who was just gonna sit and wait for him while he got his massage. Normally I would start cleaning during the last massage so I could try to close by 9pm. However with this unexpected guest I had to sit up at the front and try to be sociable. Just in case I could convince him to possibly try to sign up for an appointment trying to get more business. So I rang up Bret for his 1 hour massage and he went into the room and the therapist left shortly after that.

I returned to my desk and finally got a good look at the gentleman sitting in the first seat next to my desk. I smiled and began to look at my schedule book making sure I had confirmed all of the following days appointments. When all of a sudden the gentleman that was sitting there began to talk to me. He had asked me if the day had been busy and how my day had gone. I kept my response short and sweet trying not to start a large conversation. I was a little nervous about talking to him, I mean hello, have you seen his face he was too cute! We kept up the small talk for a few minutes and when that seem to not be going anywhere he just blurted out, "So I have been thinking about joining the military!" So I stopped what I was doing I looked up at him and with a very disappointed look on my face said, "WHAT? WHY?" He began to tell me that his name was Tony and he was 19 and that he was feeling a little lost. We then began to get into a long conversation about why I thought that was a bad idea and welcome to the rest of your life as an adult, cause everyone is lost. After about a half hour he manage to drift from his opening subject and began to ask me about myself. I began to feel like he was interested in me. Since I was so much older then him, 6 years to be exact, I did my best to scare him off. Telling him that: I was a handful, I had five older brothers, I was Mexican an Portuguese just about anything I could think of. Nutty thing is, that it only seemed to make him more interested in me. Well after the hour an about 10 minutes passed his friend came of his massage and they both left.

I was telling Alex and laughing about this guy I was talking to the whole time and that I thought he was cute because he was trying so hard to talk to me. I was telling her how I was doing my best to scare him away. About three minutes passed then there was a knock on the door. Alex went and unlocked the front door and Tony popped his head back in an asked me, "Is there anyway I can take you to dinner?" I started to crack up and replied, "Sure why not." He offered me his phone number I said, "I don't call guys." So he asked me for my number and I gave him my number and told him I was not going to write my name next to it so he had to remember my name. So he said he would not forget and he would call.

He called the next day, which was a Friday night around 7pm asking if I want to go to dinner. Feeling soooo insulted that he waited until 7pm on a Friday night to call me and take me to dinner I told him I was busy and could not go. By the way I wasn't busy at all. He asked if was free the next day and I told him I was going to be busy again, which was true. I had a bachelorette party to attend. I worked every night all week, then the following weekend was my brothers wedding so I was going to be in Tahoe. But I would give him a call when I was free. I was just playing hard to get and it was a little mean I know. Well anyways, several days go by and on Sunday when I came home from Tahoe August 10th 2008,I got another call from Tony. This time he left me a message saying that he was just checking in and wanted to see how I was doing and was still interested in taking me to dinner. So the following day around 3pm I sent him a txt saying that if he was still interested I would be free that Friday August 15th to go to dinner. About 10 minutes later I got a txt saying he would LOVE to go out Friday and he would call me.

We went to Claim Jumpers for our first date. I arrived there about 6 minutes before he did, the longest 6 minutes of my life! I felt so sick to my stomach I hated dating with a passion. It had taken me 3 hours and several outfits to get ready, I was just soooooo nervous!! He finally showed up with this great big smile on his face. He was very even more nervous then me and not hiding it very well at all. We talked for about 3 hours at dinner. Like most girls, only had about four bites of my dinner. We went to say goodnight and he made the move for a hug. It was one of those big bear hugs and when I went to pull away he held me tighter. Then he did the sweetest thing, he turned his head ever so slightly and smelled my hair. I thought this guys is just too cute for words. We said goodbye once more then I got into my car and drove off. We sent a goodnight good date txt to each other almost at the same time. The next day he asked me what I was doing and said he wanted to see me. Not being ready to have him come over to my house, I told him to meet me at the Safeway. I met him with Blaze (my faithful puppy) and we went for a three or four hour walk around 11pm just talking and getting to know one another. He asked to hold my hand and then finally at the end of the night he asked me if he could kiss me. I was very skeptical of this guy he was just too good to be true. But when he kissed me it felt like going home. We didn't see each other the next day which was Sunday, however he meet me the following Monday night at my work and helped me close. Since that day we have not spent a single day apart.

So I bet you are wondering what this all has to do with doubt. Since we have announced that we were moving together and that we are going to get married I have been met with more than enough doubt from people who have never met him or seen us together. It bothers me greatly that instead of being happy for us, people only seem to focus on a few select facts. Number one, if you do the math on Tuesday November 18th 2008 Tony and I will have only been together for 3 months and we are moving in together and getting married. Number two, they focus on the age difference I am 25 and he 19. I admit that there is an age gap and yes we have only been together for three months. But for all the doubt that everyone seems to thrown our way the two of us have never doubted one simple fact. . . we may have no idea how everything is going to work but there is one thing we are both positive about... we cannot live without each other!!! There is no one in the world either of us would want to go through life with. We are currently living with his parents in Granite Bay so we can save money, for that first months deposit, move in and start our lives together. We bring out the best in each other. And from just my prospective he makes me happier then I have ever been before. I am a better person because he loves me. So doubt is one thing I have ever felt for this man or for the love I give him. He is my love, my life and the person I want to grow old with.

And regardless of the obstacles life will throw our way, which we know will test us to our very core, we have both made the commitment to never give up on each other. Nothing great in life is ever easy but being together is worth any sacrifices we make to get the life we both want together.